I think of PH all the time. I think about some banal things that other people don’t think about. For example, how far can I walk during the day, when I will stop, when I should rest. I often imagine myself running. I wish I could run, even for a moment, but then suddenly, I remember everything, I think of my PH and then all my old thoughts come back. I can’t run, I have to walk very carefully, I can’t even dream about running. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I am adding up the distance, how long I am walking, and when I feel the need to stop I have to do it no matter where I am or whoever I am with.

A lot of time during the day I would like to plan something out, but I can’t because I have PH. Only in the morning when I wake up, can I plan something. It all depends on how I’m feeling, There is no detailed planning, I never know how I will feel later that day.

https://www.facebook.com/phaeurope/videos/1485177161503675/

I want to forget that I have PH, but I have to take my medicine. I have to think about it too often, if I took my medicine, if it was the right dosage, what time I should take the next one, which one I should take next, etc. I am old enough to take care of myself, I can’t make a mistake or I will put my health in danger. It all adds more pressure. I don’t want my condition to get worse, with people like me it’s very easy. A cold, virus, forgotten therapy, stress, worry… it can all make me feel worse.

I think too much of PH. I don’t allow myself to give up, it’s hard but I always look at the positive side. It’s a constant physical and psychological fight. But I constantly fight it with the same force and determination. I have to move on, move forward! I can’t let PH get to me.

My father died very young. He was just 38. My younger brother died when he was just an innocent child. Because of them I keep pressing on. I don’t allow myself to give up! I don’t have that privilege! I owe them that fight! That is why I think of PH so much. That is why I am aware of the tragic consequences, what can happen to me if I don’t take care of myself in the best possible way.

I don’t let myself fall. I think positive. I will fight. I owe it to myself and to those I lost. And to those who unconditionally love me. I owe it to all PH warriors!